4 Chris Milne

Chris Milne
LionStorm FC

Player Profile:

[Originally published: 3 Nov 2015]

There is some debate as to how Chris “Super Mario” Milne got his nickname. Was it due to his hard working blue-collar attitude? His rich Italian moustache-growing heritage? His tendency to grow in stature after consuming a ‘special’ mushroom or two? Officially, it’s due to his early tendency to punch a fistball directly upwards into the sky like he was smashing a digitally rendered brick for sweet pixelated coins, despite the fact that he has since adjusted his technique to regulation fistball standards. Regardless, one thing is for certain – if, hypothetically, Chris was indeed an 8-bit computer game character, punching his way through the Mushroom Kingdom in the search of coins and glory; Princess Daisy would most certainly pass out from an overdose of swoon at the mere sight of him crushing King Koopa with a single swing of his oversized fist. Hypothetically.

Determined to be the unofficial “Face of Australian Fistball”, Super Mario has attempted to turn himself into somewhat of an Australian fistballing mini-celebrity from the moment he first elevated a fist into a bouncing fistball. When not publishing “Pakistan Tour Diary” excerpts, being photographed for local newspaper articles or speaking to radio personalities about his importance to fistball, he is writing, directing and starring in his own over-dramatised videos of fistball inspiration. As a designated Setter in the backline, he demands the best from his teammates, as it is only when he receives quality delivery from the defenders and exquisite finishes from the attackers that he can take full credit for the victory.

The self-appointed Treasurer of FiFA and one-time Best & Fistest winner – awarded by FiFA demigod Klemens Kronsteiner himself – Milne has also taken on the captaincy for five-time PNT winners and F-League powerhouse The Fistroy Lions. He will be putting on the green & gold for the second time in Argentina, after being an integral member of the Australian team at the Asian Championships in Pakistan last year. This time however, he will also be taking on the role of Vice-Captain, inspiring Australia to victory by emphatically echoing the final word of each line from every inspirational speech the Captain makes to the team. By all accounts, he will again be producing a Tour Diary, this time documenting the ecstatic highs and uncomfortable lows of an Australian fistballer’s journey to the World Championships in Argentina, after all; it’s what the fans want.

Name: Chris Milne
Nickname: Super Mario
Club Team: Fistroy Lions
Jersey #: 4
National Fist #: 5
Position: Defender
Height: 175cm
Dominant Hand: Right
Fistball Debut: 2013
Birthplace: Adelaide, SA
Birth Year: 1981
Occupation: Finance Manager
Sporting Hero: Steve Nash (NBA)
Favourite Non-Fistball Sports Team: Port Adelaide Power (AFL)
Best “Fire Up” Song Before Hitting The Fistball Field: Come on Eileen by Dexy’s Midnight Runners